A LOT has changed since my last post on here.. i forgot this even existed for a while..
i think my last post was about how i love chris blablabla... well that turned to shit to put it bluntly, we ended up having screaming matches at work in the middle of the canberra centre and i just never showed up the next day coz id totally had enough.. kinda regret doing that, but i just knew i couldnt work with chris anymore.. we didnt speak for several millions of months... weston (the friend of chris' that hallucinated that my head was a police car) and i became pretty good friends and i found out that chris and holley the chick from boost were together and moved to melbourne..she got over him for the millionth time and they were still living together when she started seeing someone else..so chris got the shits and moved back to canberra.. i got a phonecall the day before i left for poland that he wanted to catch up.. LOL.. god. i learnt a lot from that year i have to say.. i learnt what is tolerable and what is not and what will never work out..
i also permanently (and i know ive said this a thousand times already ) ended and form of relationship, friendship or communication with ben appleton.. as i was saying to kim last time i saw him, it used to be "aw i cant have that".. now when i see him its "ew dont let that near me with a 10 foot pole.. i DONT want that".. id like to say i was being patient with him, but i know thats not the case.. more like i wanted to have fun with him like we used to and i missed what used to be... kinda in hope that it could happen again.. ergh its actually making me sick writing about him to be honest right now, but i feel like i need to let the last breath of air go and never mention or think about it again. basically things got to a stage where we couldnt live with each others presence.... he found himself another girl to be interested in, and im well aware that he only really tried because she was 14yrs old and he knew he couldnt have her...he needed someone to chase..someone who he could try to impress with everything he did and had.. and it worked.. i guess at a young age people like him seem very impressive.. like when ur little, the bigger the present the better it must be. with her history, its not surprising she agreed that she wanted to be with him..i believe that may have lasted about a month.. in which time of course he cheated on her.. not that she knows.. but ive just totally given up fighting with it.. so we spoke for a while in this period, he taught me how to snowboard which was pretty fun..i then started seeing one of his mates in sydney.. well not really mate, just someone he also knew.. that was the shortest relationship i have ever been in as i wont tolerate bullshit.. a long distance relationship doesnt work if there isnt even any communication.. so i ended that... this was followed by a lot of bullshit such as "i tried to kill myself because of u" and "i got some girl pregnant".. i retaliated, however that has now been sorted out and its back to square one..anyway.. ben and the 14yo (now 15) started seeing each other again..for her it meant escape from her parents and life in qbn and free entry into any event which came hand in hand with stays in 5 star hotels... i mean cmon.. who wouldnt agree to that... for ben it was a "i got what i wanted game" although if he reads this he would never admit it..because apparently a sexual relationship between a 15yo and a 21yo is PURELY based on love?? *cough**cough*..that boy wouldnt know what love was if it smacked him in the face.. and kassy, well all i can say is she is just another easily manipulated girl....this she has proved by her actions towards me, even tho i have absolutely no contact with her bf... when they are together, she could be looking through glass.. however when shes on her own, its chit chat time.. wants to know whats been going on all that crap.. i just laugh at her behaviour secretly because its just childish... theres nothing i can do about it and nothing i want to do about it... ben has made some attempts to talk to me, however i have no such desires and have informed him if he doesnt leave me alone i will notify the police of his pedophilic relationship with kassy..i have the proof to do so luckily. ever since then no words have been swapped and i honestly have to say im glad for it... its like a big rush of fresh air slapping me in the face and saying "thats what you get for being so stupid".. but now i have kim and bee still which is all i need right now..(not in a sense that friendship with them would change)..they are both really supportive and arent scared to give their honest opinions of the things i do, which is a great help as sometimes i get caught up in the moment and dont think straight. nothing much else is new really.. im overseas atm as i think ive already said.. in poland... we had some adventures in rome when the whole city went on strike and we couldnt get out of there.. our flight was cancelled....we had to spend like 25hours on a train to poland rather than 2 hours on a plane.. that was rather gay...but we got to poland safetly.. got to see the alps again on the way.. we started off living with my grandma in a little country town not far from Cracow..but during the first 3 hours there i got so offended with her comments to do with me, my mother being a whore (which i agree with just quietly but it doesnt have to be said out loud by a party that has no right to judgement of her) that im not to speak about my mother around here but then going on to say that i should respect both my parents coz ive earnt it...all this crap that my dad has fed her about how and why i dont live with him (for good reasons which he most likely would not understand.. i mean who wants to admit to their own faults?).. so when we made a trip to Cracow, i informed my dad i was staying.. he came to get me this week and i told him i wasnt coming again..i think i have to go back next week to see my grandma a bit..but i really cant deal with her bullshit. if i go i think ill go under the condition that i get driven back 3 days later. i love the city. im a city person.. i love the lights, the business, the shopping, the people and the part of my family that im living with..if i could brin kim and bee here, i would never want to leave. one very last piece of news... we went to the snow last weekend, and i decided to be tricky and try some shit out that i didnt know how to do.. and so i did... so unsuccessfully that ive fucked my tailbone.. its been 3 days and i can barely sit down.. only when ive dosed myself up on painkillers..sleeping on my side is painfull too.. but if it doesnt get better i have to go have it xrayed.. hopefully it does get better as im going back to the snow for new years for like a week... i definately need full usage of my bum by then lols. if not, i want drugs to dose myself up on, prescription and illegal if possible.. i want to feel nothing.
anyways that is what has happened in the millions of months since my last post.
i have to go now as my aunty and uncle just got home.
might post again soon, untill then take care
xoxo
milz
pretty much, im writing here coz livejournal is fucked up and isnt working.....
pretty happy coz chris is awesome.. at times anyway..
we had a REALLY big fight the other week.. about his calling in sick and about feeling used and that sorta thing... going both ways.. but the funny thing is its not like usual.. havnt gone there with him.. but yeh...to do with the things we do and dont do for each other in return.... atm its swapped.. im doing wayyy too many of his shifts for my liking..oh well.. he has the shop for the next 2 weekends... its my cousins wedding and then HARDWARS!!!! cant fucking wait!! going up with jas and em YAY... hes talking to me again... only seems to happen when chris isnt around.. i swear jas can read minds..he doesnt like chris much and chris only wants to use jas for his services lol... (yes.. he is a male prostitute... jk lol)
but yeh..
went up to sydney last weekend.... and that was awesome.. spent some time with bee and smic... bought some records for chris and a "lets be friends again" present.. and it worked.. getting along very well... he told me the other day that he doesnt want to find another job (even tho this is shit pay) coz he wont get to work with me.,.. how cute.
he went down the coast to his dads place this weekend.. i called him up an hour or so ago and he answered "hello.. this is jesus" and that was hilarious.. lol shows just how smashed he is hahahaha apparently he "didnt go too hard last night and only took 8 pills" hes insane...and theyre going out to get trashed in batemans bay tonight... haha ..
i want to spend more time with him.. hes cool boy.. but then theres holly from boost.. and she seems to have some BIG ass problem with me... she glares at me all day.. and since prophecy when i chatted to her a bit.. she refises to pretty muchsay hi to me.. she just ignores me when i speak to her.... chris is giving me the impression that him and her have slept together at least once... hes not very subtle about it.. lol.. it doesnt really phase me that they're sleeping together.. its more that shes acting this way and i dont know why..ohhh.. that and the fact that chris keeps running off to talk to her during work hours.... while hes supposed to be oding something else..... annoys the SHIT outta me.. and hes fully aware of it..
i dunno.. im confused.. but i have nothing to regret so it doesnt worry me as much.. and actually.. im quite glad i dont have anything to regret... we get along so much better without the sex it seems..
he says he wants to take me to earthcore.. (hollys prolly coming too i rekon) which is pretty mad...and hes heaps excited that we're going to godspeed too...
speaking of raves.. theres a new guy at boost called greg.. hes fucking awesome.. one night when we were closing up.. he comes over and asks what cd we were playing.. and i said hardstyle volume 5 cd1.. and he was like omg.. your music is sick.. and started talking about raves and shit.. and hes going to hardwars and godspeed too... he just moved from melbourne and hes a MAD ass raver.. hes seriously comin across as an awesome guy.... i sent chris a msg after i met that guy.. and he started saying that he knows that theres a new raver guy there.. and the next day at work he starts talking to him and turns around to me afterwards and goes "hes a mad cunt" and i was like I KNOW>> THATS WHY I MSGD YOU DICKHEAD.. and so yeh..
we pay each other out a lot...
well im going now..
my mother and brother are having a MAD fight.... first there was screaming and punching walls and that sorta thing... now theres a lot of crying and bullshit talking
im sleepy and i gotta work tomoro even tho its sunday.
i want more pay for being acting manager.
night people.
xoxo
pretty happy coz chris is awesome.. at times anyway..
we had a REALLY big fight the other week.. about his calling in sick and about feeling used and that sorta thing... going both ways.. but the funny thing is its not like usual.. havnt gone there with him.. but yeh...to do with the things we do and dont do for each other in return.... atm its swapped.. im doing wayyy too many of his shifts for my liking..oh well.. he has the shop for the next 2 weekends... its my cousins wedding and then HARDWARS!!!! cant fucking wait!! going up with jas and em YAY... hes talking to me again... only seems to happen when chris isnt around.. i swear jas can read minds..he doesnt like chris much and chris only wants to use jas for his services lol... (yes.. he is a male prostitute... jk lol)
but yeh..
went up to sydney last weekend.... and that was awesome.. spent some time with bee and smic... bought some records for chris and a "lets be friends again" present.. and it worked.. getting along very well... he told me the other day that he doesnt want to find another job (even tho this is shit pay) coz he wont get to work with me.,.. how cute.
he went down the coast to his dads place this weekend.. i called him up an hour or so ago and he answered "hello.. this is jesus" and that was hilarious.. lol shows just how smashed he is hahahaha apparently he "didnt go too hard last night and only took 8 pills" hes insane...and theyre going out to get trashed in batemans bay tonight... haha ..
i want to spend more time with him.. hes cool boy.. but then theres holly from boost.. and she seems to have some BIG ass problem with me... she glares at me all day.. and since prophecy when i chatted to her a bit.. she refises to pretty muchsay hi to me.. she just ignores me when i speak to her.... chris is giving me the impression that him and her have slept together at least once... hes not very subtle about it.. lol.. it doesnt really phase me that they're sleeping together.. its more that shes acting this way and i dont know why..ohhh.. that and the fact that chris keeps running off to talk to her during work hours.... while hes supposed to be oding something else..... annoys the SHIT outta me.. and hes fully aware of it..
i dunno.. im confused.. but i have nothing to regret so it doesnt worry me as much.. and actually.. im quite glad i dont have anything to regret... we get along so much better without the sex it seems..
he says he wants to take me to earthcore.. (hollys prolly coming too i rekon) which is pretty mad...and hes heaps excited that we're going to godspeed too...
speaking of raves.. theres a new guy at boost called greg.. hes fucking awesome.. one night when we were closing up.. he comes over and asks what cd we were playing.. and i said hardstyle volume 5 cd1.. and he was like omg.. your music is sick.. and started talking about raves and shit.. and hes going to hardwars and godspeed too... he just moved from melbourne and hes a MAD ass raver.. hes seriously comin across as an awesome guy.... i sent chris a msg after i met that guy.. and he started saying that he knows that theres a new raver guy there.. and the next day at work he starts talking to him and turns around to me afterwards and goes "hes a mad cunt" and i was like I KNOW>> THATS WHY I MSGD YOU DICKHEAD.. and so yeh..
we pay each other out a lot...
well im going now..
my mother and brother are having a MAD fight.... first there was screaming and punching walls and that sorta thing... now theres a lot of crying and bullshit talking
im sleepy and i gotta work tomoro even tho its sunday.
i want more pay for being acting manager.
night people.
xoxo
Tags: 
hes amazingpretty good day
hes amazingpretty good daysooooo much has changed (and for the better) since my last post..
ben appleton is out of my life for good.. thats the main good thing thats happened.. but the second one is i have a new boy in my life. his name's chris.. i work with him.. the majority of people i know would know him as "that guy i work with". he's gorgeous... HE'S NICE...has respect for me, is polite.. sure there are down sides to him as with every guy, but these are ones that i can deal with and just ignore as long as they dont start influencing anything between me and him...so far so good. (he goes on mad drug binges pretty much sums this up)
hes a cutie little raver... thats a mad bonus for me.. hes into the same music as me.. he can mix pretty well.. he is full raver.. i love it.
we went to prophecy together.. (we not together but spent a large part of the night together) that was fucking amazing.. i loved prophecy. never been so smashed at a rave... then kept going all day... it was funny.. we went to the beach fucked the next morning.. something i told chris we (our group of ravers) were going to do.. next day i kept getting msgs from chris asking where we were.. and he was like "u mob at bondi?" and i was like no... we're and cronulla.. and 2 days later he was telling me that they then came to cronulla to look for us.. which was amusing coz we really didnt stay that long at all.. they did that for nothing.. but still.. its nice to know he really does like me.. hahaha
but yeh..
working with him is interesting.. im generally in charge of him and everyone else.. and its hard to control the guy your seeing when hes SMASHED off his face.. i just go and tell all the little girlies about his smashedness, he gets cut that i did and then calms the fuck right down. that happened the other night, except i got heaps cut at him for not working and being on the phone for hours... so after work he took me out for sorry drinks.. and went home with him and rob the guy who works at oxford.. went to wests and got pissed... then started my own binging habbits with chris all over again ( i took a break before prophecy so i was well and truly fucked 2 weekends in a row).. i loved it.. we spent the night cuddling and making out in bed.. what surprised me even more is he doesnt want me for sex.. thats a whole new thing for me..hehe. hes a really good kisser, but its cute.. coz he has a scratchy face from having had to shave every day in the army (he spent 4 years there and a week before he was supposed to finish he got kicked out for drugs.. but got an honorable mention anyway (whatever that means))and he scratches me a lot when we make out.. but yeh... hes gorgeous and i love him.. and my friends actually like him too.... unlike every other guy ive been with in the past year..
only thing now is i want to talk to him about how much i like him and see what he says... im just too shy and embarrassed to. lol.
he fully waited for me after work today and we walked to the interchange together (which sounds all little and pathetic.. but it was kinda like a romantic walk on the beach.. same sort of atmosphere.. it was quiet.. warm enough to not wear a jacket but cool enough to cuddle and the likes... and it was quiet.. which we both really liked.. we're so used to civic being packed) had we taken a few more mins i wouldve missed my bus home and we wouldve gone out to dinner... but it just came then.. so it'll have to wait.. im going to go visit him at work tomoro near closing time and we'll 1- see hoe skat he is and 2- try and go do something together...
i really want things to move on with this boy.. i really like him.. like really truly.. and i can pick reasons for which i like him.. unlike the last one.. and bryan was coz he was hot.. chris has so much more going for him.
he showed rob and me pics of his ex gf back in america.. fuck man.. she was hot...
its strange.. neither of us is that keen on speaking to each other about our ex's... i only do when they go and piss me off.. but otherwise.. theres the occasional comment or mention.. nothing else... speaking of which.. it was uber awkward today at work... andre (one of my ex's) and ivana his gf came around to buy stuff... and chris was on.. and i just full turned around and went to chris "why the fuck do all the guys i used to see keep coming around here" and i think chris felt a lil intimidated by the fact that andre was like seriously muscly enough to beat the shit outta him.. ahah.. that mighta been the reason we went out in the first place hahaha... lol.
but yeh.. then we had a laugh coz andre's best friend christos's gf looked EXACTLY the same as ivana, andre's gf.. it was hilarious....
but yeh.. thats all i really wanted to say...
oohhh. and kamina is back at work now.. so thats awesome.
im going to stop rambling now and go daydreamsome more.
night people
xoxo
ben appleton is out of my life for good.. thats the main good thing thats happened.. but the second one is i have a new boy in my life. his name's chris.. i work with him.. the majority of people i know would know him as "that guy i work with". he's gorgeous... HE'S NICE...has respect for me, is polite.. sure there are down sides to him as with every guy, but these are ones that i can deal with and just ignore as long as they dont start influencing anything between me and him...so far so good. (he goes on mad drug binges pretty much sums this up)
hes a cutie little raver... thats a mad bonus for me.. hes into the same music as me.. he can mix pretty well.. he is full raver.. i love it.
we went to prophecy together.. (we not together but spent a large part of the night together) that was fucking amazing.. i loved prophecy. never been so smashed at a rave... then kept going all day... it was funny.. we went to the beach fucked the next morning.. something i told chris we (our group of ravers) were going to do.. next day i kept getting msgs from chris asking where we were.. and he was like "u mob at bondi?" and i was like no... we're and cronulla.. and 2 days later he was telling me that they then came to cronulla to look for us.. which was amusing coz we really didnt stay that long at all.. they did that for nothing.. but still.. its nice to know he really does like me.. hahaha
but yeh..
working with him is interesting.. im generally in charge of him and everyone else.. and its hard to control the guy your seeing when hes SMASHED off his face.. i just go and tell all the little girlies about his smashedness, he gets cut that i did and then calms the fuck right down. that happened the other night, except i got heaps cut at him for not working and being on the phone for hours... so after work he took me out for sorry drinks.. and went home with him and rob the guy who works at oxford.. went to wests and got pissed... then started my own binging habbits with chris all over again ( i took a break before prophecy so i was well and truly fucked 2 weekends in a row).. i loved it.. we spent the night cuddling and making out in bed.. what surprised me even more is he doesnt want me for sex.. thats a whole new thing for me..hehe. hes a really good kisser, but its cute.. coz he has a scratchy face from having had to shave every day in the army (he spent 4 years there and a week before he was supposed to finish he got kicked out for drugs.. but got an honorable mention anyway (whatever that means))and he scratches me a lot when we make out.. but yeh... hes gorgeous and i love him.. and my friends actually like him too.... unlike every other guy ive been with in the past year..
only thing now is i want to talk to him about how much i like him and see what he says... im just too shy and embarrassed to. lol.
he fully waited for me after work today and we walked to the interchange together (which sounds all little and pathetic.. but it was kinda like a romantic walk on the beach.. same sort of atmosphere.. it was quiet.. warm enough to not wear a jacket but cool enough to cuddle and the likes... and it was quiet.. which we both really liked.. we're so used to civic being packed) had we taken a few more mins i wouldve missed my bus home and we wouldve gone out to dinner... but it just came then.. so it'll have to wait.. im going to go visit him at work tomoro near closing time and we'll 1- see hoe skat he is and 2- try and go do something together...
i really want things to move on with this boy.. i really like him.. like really truly.. and i can pick reasons for which i like him.. unlike the last one.. and bryan was coz he was hot.. chris has so much more going for him.
he showed rob and me pics of his ex gf back in america.. fuck man.. she was hot...
its strange.. neither of us is that keen on speaking to each other about our ex's... i only do when they go and piss me off.. but otherwise.. theres the occasional comment or mention.. nothing else... speaking of which.. it was uber awkward today at work... andre (one of my ex's) and ivana his gf came around to buy stuff... and chris was on.. and i just full turned around and went to chris "why the fuck do all the guys i used to see keep coming around here" and i think chris felt a lil intimidated by the fact that andre was like seriously muscly enough to beat the shit outta him.. ahah.. that mighta been the reason we went out in the first place hahaha... lol.
but yeh.. then we had a laugh coz andre's best friend christos's gf looked EXACTLY the same as ivana, andre's gf.. it was hilarious....
but yeh.. thats all i really wanted to say...
oohhh. and kamina is back at work now.. so thats awesome.
im going to stop rambling now and go daydreamsome more.
night people
xoxo
what can i really say...
last night at ben and ania's was pretty mad.. that is until rosie went psycho... and then some people got really sick (hope you feel better ben)... and i got glass in my foot...
but appart from all that... i thought it was a pretty good party.
woooooooo...
got up to work at 10am this morning... my body was not happy with me....
i ran out of a packed restaurant with my boss screaming at me to stay.. and i said no fuck off... and i ended up missing the bus....
and my card for some reason will not be accepted by atms, eftpos machines or anything... and i know i have like $40 in there coz i checked earlier today... its really fucked up!! i need that money... no credit no nothing and i have to get out to the rock climing centre by bus... i have no fucking idea where to go lol.
oh well.. in off to go there now...
yay for smash fest.
night people
xoxo
last night at ben and ania's was pretty mad.. that is until rosie went psycho... and then some people got really sick (hope you feel better ben)... and i got glass in my foot...
but appart from all that... i thought it was a pretty good party.
woooooooo...
got up to work at 10am this morning... my body was not happy with me....
i ran out of a packed restaurant with my boss screaming at me to stay.. and i said no fuck off... and i ended up missing the bus....
and my card for some reason will not be accepted by atms, eftpos machines or anything... and i know i have like $40 in there coz i checked earlier today... its really fucked up!! i need that money... no credit no nothing and i have to get out to the rock climing centre by bus... i have no fucking idea where to go lol.
oh well.. in off to go there now...
yay for smash fest.
night people
xoxo
No replies - dance
hooray for chris boy (chris i work with)... lol... too many chris'.. everyone gets them mixed up.
anyway.
gorgeous little smashtard i work with came back from sydney sunday night.... he invited me round...him and his mate were at his place consuming drugs in all forms.. (alcohol mainly)... but i was proud of myself... i stuck to my promise of not doing anything.. and honestly.. i must say i had more fun than last time.. not lying smacked out like them and being able to keep up a conversation.
so sat, and listened to the boys mixing... they got some pretty good records now after this sydney trip.. not all hardstyle...and yeh.. then chris' mate then proceeded to trip out and tell me my head was a police car.. and chris' head was a house.. and the walls were pink and there was a basketball court in the room.. and told us that when they were driving in sydney he saw a gorilla drive past and that the tunnel was the inside of a fishs stomach..... I AM NOT DRIVING WITH THAT BOY ANYMORE!
but yeh.. he got full paranoid and drove home...
chris and i were intending on going to sleep.... but he was so smashed he couldnt do it for a while.. so we talked crap... a lot of it actually.... then i just passed out... woke up a few times during the early hours of the morning.. coz chris was making attempts to snuggle up to me... but couldnt get the guts to fully go through with it... i thought that was really cute..
but yeh.. woke up to giggling lesbians in the next room.... and his mate came back over... we headed to belco mall to do some shopping and banking stuff... it was a good day
and night too...
but yeh.. we were about to leave and sarah calls me.. so i stayed to meet up with her and shop... and I GOT MY BABY DARLING PIERCING TAKEN OUT!!! :"( tim said it didnt look happy and took it out then and there.. so i didnt even get a chance to say goodbye... but i get it re-done in a week and a half.. god.. its going to hurt like a motherfucker!!!! it hurt like a motherfucker before.. now its going through scar tissue...... AWWWW :"(
but either way... i am now a supre slut (theoretically).. my whole raving outfit comes from there (other than my leg warmers..) but i think its heaps cute hey.
oh well..
well im bored with typing coz i keep forgetting what im writting coz im being distracted by msn....
night night
xoxo
anyway.
gorgeous little smashtard i work with came back from sydney sunday night.... he invited me round...him and his mate were at his place consuming drugs in all forms.. (alcohol mainly)... but i was proud of myself... i stuck to my promise of not doing anything.. and honestly.. i must say i had more fun than last time.. not lying smacked out like them and being able to keep up a conversation.
so sat, and listened to the boys mixing... they got some pretty good records now after this sydney trip.. not all hardstyle...and yeh.. then chris' mate then proceeded to trip out and tell me my head was a police car.. and chris' head was a house.. and the walls were pink and there was a basketball court in the room.. and told us that when they were driving in sydney he saw a gorilla drive past and that the tunnel was the inside of a fishs stomach..... I AM NOT DRIVING WITH THAT BOY ANYMORE!
but yeh.. he got full paranoid and drove home...
chris and i were intending on going to sleep.... but he was so smashed he couldnt do it for a while.. so we talked crap... a lot of it actually.... then i just passed out... woke up a few times during the early hours of the morning.. coz chris was making attempts to snuggle up to me... but couldnt get the guts to fully go through with it... i thought that was really cute..
but yeh.. woke up to giggling lesbians in the next room.... and his mate came back over... we headed to belco mall to do some shopping and banking stuff... it was a good day
and night too... but yeh.. we were about to leave and sarah calls me.. so i stayed to meet up with her and shop... and I GOT MY BABY DARLING PIERCING TAKEN OUT!!! :"( tim said it didnt look happy and took it out then and there.. so i didnt even get a chance to say goodbye... but i get it re-done in a week and a half.. god.. its going to hurt like a motherfucker!!!! it hurt like a motherfucker before.. now its going through scar tissue...... AWWWW :"(
but either way... i am now a supre slut (theoretically).. my whole raving outfit comes from there (other than my leg warmers..) but i think its heaps cute hey.
oh well..
well im bored with typing coz i keep forgetting what im writting coz im being distracted by msn....
night night
xoxo
No replies - dance
Profile
Calendar