A LOT has changed since my last post on here.. i forgot this even existed for a while..
i think my last post was about how i love chris blablabla... well that turned to shit to put it bluntly, we ended up having screaming matches at work in the middle of the canberra centre and i just never showed up the next day coz id totally had enough.. kinda regret doing that, but i just knew i couldnt work with chris anymore.. we didnt speak for several millions of months... weston (the friend of chris' that hallucinated that my head was a police car) and i became pretty good friends and i found out that chris and holley the chick from boost were together and moved to melbourne..she got over him for the millionth time and they were still living together when she started seeing someone else..so chris got the shits and moved back to canberra.. i got a phonecall the day before i left for poland that he wanted to catch up.. LOL.. god. i learnt a lot from that year i have to say.. i learnt what is tolerable and what is not and what will never work out..
i also permanently (and i know ive said this a thousand times already ) ended and form of relationship, friendship or communication with ben appleton.. as i was saying to kim last time i saw him, it used to be "aw i cant have that".. now when i see him its "ew dont let that near me with a 10 foot pole.. i DONT want that".. id like to say i was being patient with him, but i know thats not the case.. more like i wanted to have fun with him like we used to and i missed what used to be... kinda in hope that it could happen again.. ergh its actually making me sick writing about him to be honest right now, but i feel like i need to let the last breath of air go and never mention or think about it again. basically things got to a stage where we couldnt live with each others presence.... he found himself another girl to be interested in, and im well aware that he only really tried because she was 14yrs old and he knew he couldnt have her...he needed someone to chase..someone who he could try to impress with everything he did and had.. and it worked.. i guess at a young age people like him seem very impressive.. like when ur little, the bigger the present the better it must be. with her history, its not surprising she agreed that she wanted to be with him..i believe that may have lasted about a month.. in which time of course he cheated on her.. not that she knows.. but ive just totally given up fighting with it.. so we spoke for a while in this period, he taught me how to snowboard which was pretty fun..i then started seeing one of his mates in sydney.. well not really mate, just someone he also knew.. that was the shortest relationship i have ever been in as i wont tolerate bullshit.. a long distance relationship doesnt work if there isnt even any communication.. so i ended that... this was followed by a lot of bullshit such as "i tried to kill myself because of u" and "i got some girl pregnant".. i retaliated, however that has now been sorted out and its back to square one..anyway.. ben and the 14yo (now 15) started seeing each other again..for her it meant escape from her parents and life in qbn and free entry into any event which came hand in hand with stays in 5 star hotels... i mean cmon.. who wouldnt agree to that... for ben it was a "i got what i wanted game" although if he reads this he would never admit it..because apparently a sexual relationship between a 15yo and a 21yo is PURELY based on love?? *cough**cough*..that boy wouldnt know what love was if it smacked him in the face.. and kassy, well all i can say is she is just another easily manipulated girl....this she has proved by her actions towards me, even tho i have absolutely no contact with her bf... when they are together, she could be looking through glass.. however when shes on her own, its chit chat time.. wants to know whats been going on all that crap.. i just laugh at her behaviour secretly because its just childish... theres nothing i can do about it and nothing i want to do about it... ben has made some attempts to talk to me, however i have no such desires and have informed him if he doesnt leave me alone i will notify the police of his pedophilic relationship with kassy..i have the proof to do so luckily. ever since then no words have been swapped and i honestly have to say im glad for it... its like a big rush of fresh air slapping me in the face and saying "thats what you get for being so stupid".. but now i have kim and bee still which is all i need right now..(not in  a sense that friendship with them would change)..they are both really supportive and arent scared to give their honest opinions of the things i do, which is a great help as sometimes i get caught up in the moment and dont think straight. nothing much else is new really.. im overseas atm as i think ive already said.. in poland... we had some adventures in rome when the whole city went on strike and we couldnt get out of there.. our flight was cancelled....we had to spend like 25hours on a train to poland rather than 2 hours on a plane.. that was rather gay...but we got to poland safetly.. got to see the alps again on the way.. we started off living with my grandma in a little country town not far from Cracow..but during the first 3 hours there i got so offended with her comments to do with me, my mother being a whore (which i agree with just quietly but it doesnt have to be said out loud by a party that has no right to judgement of her) that im not to speak about my mother around here but then going on to say that i should respect both my parents coz ive earnt it...all this crap that my dad has fed her about how and why i dont live with him (for good reasons which he most likely would not understand.. i mean who wants to admit to their own faults?).. so when we made a trip to Cracow, i informed my dad i was staying.. he came to get me this week and i told him i wasnt coming again..i think i have to go back next week to see my grandma a bit..but i really cant deal with her bullshit. if i go i think ill go under the condition that i get driven back 3 days later. i love the city. im a city person.. i love the lights, the business, the shopping, the people and the part of my family that im living with..if i could brin kim and bee here, i would never want to leave. one very last piece of news... we went to the snow last weekend, and i decided to be tricky and try some shit out that i didnt know how to do.. and so i did... so unsuccessfully that ive fucked my tailbone.. its been 3 days and i can barely sit down.. only when ive dosed myself up on painkillers..sleeping on my side is painfull too.. but if it doesnt get better i have to go have it xrayed.. hopefully it does get better as im going back to the snow for new years for like a week... i definately need full usage of my bum by then lols. if not, i want drugs to dose myself up on, prescription and illegal if possible.. i want to feel nothing.
anyways that is what has happened in the millions of months since my last post.
i have to go now as my aunty and uncle just got home.
might post again soon, untill then take care
xoxo